My brother and I grew up with a unique set of circumstances. We were both adopted - Daniel in 1987 and me in 1992. However, we were both the last-born in our families of origin. Interestingly, though, Daniel acted more like the second-born and I acted more like the first-born, at least while he was in high school. Before he was in high school and I was in elementary and middle school, I don't really remember much of how we acted around one another. He's five years older than me, and so very different from me in personality that it's difficult to describe our relationship in close terms.
Dalton Conley wrote the book The Pecking Order, and our assignment was to discuss how the factors he describes fit into the context of my own family.
Distribution of Resources Among Children
My parents were married four years before they adopted Daniel. My dad was 36 and my mom was 31. They were both settled in life and had steady jobs and incomes, his as a high school principal and hers as a social worker. Because of this, my brother and I never experienced differences in the distribution of resources. Our house and all the cars were paid off by the time I was 9 or 10 and Daniel was 14 or 15. We never wanted for any necessities. Sure, we wanted the latest technologies, toys, etc., but that's just normal kid stuff. Every Christmas we always got what we had asked for. So, there were no disagreements between us because of this factor.
The Impact of Family Size
Like I said, there are two children in my family, and there was no fighting over resources, so there was no disparity between my brother and me over this.
Spacing of Years Between Children
I think the number of years between my brother and me definitely accounts for how we relate to each other. We are in very different stages of life, and have been for all our lives. I'm in my second year of college, and he is married with two step-children and a baby due any minute.When he was in high school, I was in elementary and middle school. We never really knew how to relate to each other because we have never been in the same life stage at the same time.
Gender Differences
Conely said that girls usually take on a more nurturing role for the younger siblings. Well, I have no younger siblings, but I do have younger second cousins, and I do take on a nurturing role for them a lot. I've babysat them several times and spend a lot of time with them and their parents, my cousins. I did take on the nurturer role when I was little, since I played "house" and "teacher" and "mom" all the time with my Barbies and other dolls.
Impact of Birth Order
Here's where it gets interesting. During high school, my brother had a lot of life-choice issues and personal problems that caused great conflict in my family. It was a very traumatic time for all of us, and I at least wish I could forget it, since it negatively impacts how I interact during conflict today. He was essentially out of the house when he was 16 and I was 11. During this time, I took on many of the first-born attributes (people-pleaser, need for approval, perfectionist, type-A), even though I'm the last-born no matter how you look at it.
Fit Between Genetics and Environment
This is difficult for me to really discuss, since I'm still figuring out what parts of me are genetic, what parts are environmental, and what parts are just me, since I just met my birthmother September 2010. As for Daniel, I don't know much of anything about his family of origin or his genes.Things like that, as far as what we inherited, are really hard to pin down.
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