Structure vs. Agency - whether society determines what I do in terms of marriage & the family, or whether I can make my own decisions about such things.
Before this class, I totally thought I had complete autonomy, that society in no way determined my decision-making processes, that I was totally my own person. However, I know now that this is not totally the case. I know now that society - the family I grew up in, the friends I had, their families, social norms - does play a role in what decisions I make about who I choose to be in a relationship with, if I will get married, etc.
When we first began talking about why people get married, my first response was, well, it's what I'm supposed to do. It's what I've always wanted - to find a Prince Charming, have a couple of kids that will never give us problems, and live happily ever after forever and ever, right? However, now that I really have thought about it, I want to get married mainly because I know through my religion that God didn't create human beings to be alone. Humanity was incomplete until God created someone for Adam to be with forever. I believe that marriage is God's intention for His children - to find someone who completes and supports you on all levels (spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, etc.) and can help you press on in your relationship with Christ. God created human beings to love, and what better way to love people through Christ than in the context of marriage? I do think that marriage also comes with economic benefits (one bank account, joint finances, etc.) as well as psychological benefits (mental/emotional/spiritual support), but I believe that marriage in itself with the right person is in God's plan for me.
If you had asked me what kind of person I would marry, I would have said someone who is a Christian, who can be a spiritual leader for me, who has a great sense of humor, who has similar and different interests to mine, who will always be there for me, who isn't afraid to tell me when I'm being selfish or too stressed out. Now, I would still tell you all those things, which is where agency comes in, but I would also tell you that I'm also more likely to marry someone from the same socioeconomic status as me, someone who probably lives or works near me, who comes from a similar ethnic/religious/familial background, which is where structure comes in, because those aren't really conscious decisions.
So where does love come into it? I think that love is at the base of every decision when it comes to marriage and a family. Yes, passionate love plays a large role in the context of a marriage, but without agape love - unconditional love - the marriage falls apart. Unconditional love is how God loves us, and intends for us to love our spouse. Unconditional love means that if I were to list all the things I love about Seth - his habits, his interests, etc., and all of those suddenly fell away, I would still love him. That's how a marriage stays together and stable. Well, that, and good communication.
When I get married, I want to have 2 children. Not 3, so no one gets stuck in the middle and becomes an awkward middle child. This is the same as the family I came out of. My parents are not divorced. I have a cousin that has been divorced once and is in the middle of a second, and my sister-in-law was divorced before she married my brother. However, divorce has not directly affected me, growing up or now. My parents have had their share of problems, but I've seen them overcome those together. We've also had our share of conflict and tragedy in my family, but I've seen my parents hold each other up and support each other through these times more than any other. Now, there are certainly some ways they handle conflict that I will not carry into my marriage, but that's the benefit of hindsight. I certainly do not think that I have much of a chance, if any at all, of getting divorced. I know that God has put that person in my life that He intends for me to be with in every type of love that He created.
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