Uhm...Updates.

WARNING. THIS IS A PERSONAL POST. NOT FOR CLASS. BUT I CANNOT UNCATEGORIZE POSTS ON BLOGGER. End of disclaimer.

I'm sorry that most of my recent posts have been for my class! I just haven't had time recently to post about regular stuff! So...here it is! Yay!

I've been struggling spiritually recently. Well, not recently -- more like for several years. I've been doing the whole church is enough thing...I go to church every Sunday and believe what I'm singing and what I'm hearing, but it never really went any further than that. I've had virtually no prayer life, I didn't get into the Word...none of it. I felt like I just didn't have time; if I were honest with myself, truly honest, I know that I just devoted my time to other things instead, while making the excuse that I didn't have time for Jesus. Or, being even more honest with myself, I was afraid to make the time...afraid I wouldn't measure up, or I wouldn't be good enough. I felt like my sins were just too overwhelming for God to really forgive me. I felt unredeemable.

And I felt lost. Utterly lost.

Seth and I had a conversation recently about this, and we've made a commitment to each other to hold each other accountable as far as staying in the Word and keeping up a prayer life -- I've found that I journal prayers much better than I can think them in my head or speak them out loud.

Isaiah 61 has really spoken to me recently:

 ¹ The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me,
      for the Lord has anointed me
      to bring good news to the poor.
   He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted
      and to proclaim that captives will be released
      and prisoners will be freed.
 ² He has sent me to tell those who mourn
      that the time of the Lord’s favor has come,
      and with it, the day of God’s anger against their enemies.
 ³ To all who mourn in Israel,
      he will give a crown of beauty for ashes,
   a joyous blessing instead of mourning,
      festive praise instead of despair.
   In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks
      that the Lord has planted for his own glory.

This passage gave such hope to me...hope that I'm not the only one who has felt this way, hope that I am redeemable, that I am worth it. I have hope that God will comfort me in my dark days and rejoice with me in my light days. After I read this, I was just filled with such a love for Jesus, and that's something I've never really felt before.

After reading this, trees have become very symbolic for me; but not just any trees...I'm talking about trees after the dead of winter has passed and you can just see the new spring leaves and flowers budding on the branches. It's very metaphorical, isn't it?

I think so.
And it's a beautiful thing.